365 Nice Things

Standing in the shower this afternoon with my back to the water I put my hands on the shower wall and remembered what it felt like trying to get ready for work in late 2007. I’d have to grab the wall so I wouldn’t fall when I started crying so hard that my eyes would swell.

The other night O.C. told me that 2008 was probably the best year of my life. I looked at him, reflected on that momentarily, quietly, and then I took a knife and stabbed him 22 times. Metaphorically, I mean. Although he does make me feel stabby sometimes.

2008 was definitely not the worst year of my life, but it was not the best either. Not by a long shot. He reasoned that I faced independence, crawled out of an ugly depression, found a job, weaned myself off anti-depressants and gained a social life. While all that is true, to a point, I’m not so sure that “coping with being alone” is the same as being independent, that replacing anti-depressants with copious amounts of alcohol is terribly sane, or that cohorting with a bunch of booze bags who treat me like dirt is really much of a social life.

I don’t want 2009 to be the same. I need to get over a lot of shit, stop putting up with so much shit, and just stop acting like a little shit sometimes.

I want 2009 to be filled with more laughs, more friendship, more love.

In the spirit of taking the first step, I’ve decided I want to post on this blog everyday in 2009 and write one nice thing, preferably about myself. Well, maybe not about myself – we’ll see about that – but at least one nice thing. And one year from today, exactly one year from today, I should have 365 nice things to remember about the year.

I know, that’s lame right? Well, I’m doing it anyway! If nothing else, it could be entertaining watching me struggle with having to say something nice every. single. day.


7 Responses to “365 Nice Things”

  1. 1 GeekGirl January 1, 2009 at 12:53 am

    Delurking now. I’ve read you for quite some time and am slowly acknowledging my own depression. Anyway, this line rocks: “I need to get over a lot of shit, stop putting up with so much shit, and just stop acting like a little shit sometimes.”

    I wish you luck in the new year and look forward to reading 365 nice things.

  2. 2 amyella January 1, 2009 at 1:03 am

    Thanks, GeekGirl. And best of luck to you in coming to terms with your own depression. It’s fairly impossible to believe, but it does get better. I promise.

  3. 3 marathonP January 1, 2009 at 4:04 am

    Now I love that idea!!

    🙂 phil

  4. 4 amyella January 1, 2009 at 4:04 am

    Well I’ll be hot-damned! Phil is back! 🙂

  5. 5 Evelyne January 3, 2009 at 7:00 pm

    Hi Amy, I’m hoping 2009 will be better for you too. Can totally relate to the whole needing to get rid of shit, etc. I’ve been feeling alot like shit these days. So, my doc put me on antidepressants. Crossing my fingers it gets me out of this slump.

    Whoo-hoo!!! Phil!!! I’ve missed him!

  6. 6 Tink January 19, 2009 at 4:41 am

    So I am sitting here getting caught up on your blog while i back up some stuff on an external hard drive.

    I LOVE LOVE LOVE the 365 nice things idea.

    You’re doing very well my dear. Keep it up! You know I am right here for you.

  7. 7 Charr May 2, 2009 at 10:38 pm

    Posting something positive about yourself or at least something positive or at least struggling to write something positive is an intriguing idea. I found you through a recipe- then started reading some of your blogs, and then said- “why I am reading this” but could not stop- and then you talked about dogs and Rotti’s and well… I know why I like you.

    I also had a full year of depression about my husband leaving me and although I know people can be oh so different and varied I also know we can be oh so much alike. I also had a male Rotti/Shepard mix and a female Rotti. But the nickname thing really did it- I loved that. Both mine had long names and lots of nick names.

    One of the differences I can tell right off is you are probably more in the age group of my daughter. Some people can make that a barrier right off- I never have as a kid or now- I relate to people because of how they are. So I am reading your blogs and enjoying them and wanted you to know.


    PS – I noticed you had the Bloggess on your list and she is one of the 5 or so I read too.

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Amyella (pronounced Amy-ella) is a pseudonym for Amy Levitt, a fitness and health food fanatic and a beach girl at heart. She has been sharing her sometimes nonsensical thoughts and self-amusing stories online since 2002 and currently spends a good deal of her time wrangling her 90 pound Rottweiler and 60 pound Boxer. Which is quite a show.
The origin of the name Amyella.

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