Trying Like The Dickens

I'm not sure what that means, "like the dickens," but it's the only phrase that came to my mind while I was sitting here a few minutes ago, staring at this laptop and just not moving. I have a cup of tea and I was holding onto it, staying warm, and letting my mind wander too far down windy roads before snapping myself out of it.
I'm trying like the dickens to stay positive.
When I first moved to Virginia I spent an entire week on the floor sobbing. It's dramatic but true. I refused to think anything was going to be good, or become good, or even become better. That kind of negativity festers and morphs and becomes tangible. It becomes everything.
I don't want to throw a tantrum and I don't want to fester in negativity. I only have control over one thing, namely, my attitude. Positive thinking and optimism are far better choices than woe-is-me and tears.
That didn't stop me from crying.
And really? Life, overall, is good. Life is grand! And while I loathe to play the victim I can't help but wonder, out loud sometimes, when is it going to get easy?
I have control over my attitude, my thinking, of course. I'm trying like to dickens to will it away but I have no control over the toxic anxiety and black tar feeling in my gut.

Posted via email from Amyella


3 Responses to “Trying Like The Dickens”

  1. 1 Suzi October 27, 2009 at 12:08 pm

    Hang in there girl…keep trying like the dickens!

  2. 2 melanie October 27, 2009 at 3:39 pm

    Yes, hang in there! Look at how different your life is now from when you first moved across the country!
    You’ll get through this!

  1. 1 Things I Do Not Love Right Now « Trackback on October 28, 2009 at 1:40 pm

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Amyella (pronounced Amy-ella) is a pseudonym for Amy Levitt, a fitness and health food fanatic and a beach girl at heart. She has been sharing her sometimes nonsensical thoughts and self-amusing stories online since 2002 and currently spends a good deal of her time wrangling her 90 pound Rottweiler and 60 pound Boxer. Which is quite a show.
The origin of the name Amyella.

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