No really, I was sitting there waiting for green and then the car was just off- no lights, no music, no air, NO BATTERY. This particularly sucked because I just replaced the battery – with a brand new one! – all of two months ago. I feared the worst (alternator) and followed with reflex: I tried to turn the car back on.
It worked! But because when it comes to cars I am the unluckiest person in the history of people I have experienced dead alternators and multiple drained batteries and lousy customer service before. (I also blew out 10 tires in two years once, but that’s neither here nor there.) I knew I was in for a risky ride and I cautiously avoided having to come to a stop on the freeway OMFG in rush hour traffic on 395 and if you don’t get how awesome that is then let me just reassure you – I WIN AT TRAFFIC!
I eased into the gym parking lot (still without having come to a stop: not in traffic, not at a light, not during a merge, not at night) (actually it was at night but I really wanted to rhyme there) and into a parking spot and turned off the engine. I sucked in a deep breath and turned the key and not surprisingly at all, nothing happened. Not even a click. And don’t think you wouldn’t have done the same as me, getting out of the car and being frustrated pushing on the key’s “lock” button, irritated that the doors aren’t locking. What the f——-oh right. Insert the key into the keyhole.
I ran in an scoured the weight room for one Mr. HP and he was all “Hi, Babe!” and I was all “GAHHH carrrbattery stopped light ALTERNATOR!!”
We went home and called the nearest dealership and found out that because my car is leased, two months ago when I replaced the battery at CheapZone for the worth of a week’s groceries, I could have had it replaced! for free! at the dealership! And now, because I have a non-Acura branded battery it will no longer! be free! at the dealership! Huzzah!
I called the number they provided for the tow truck and we went to meet him, waiting in the only open spot in the crowded parking lot, way in back. It only took ten minutes before we saw the flat bed pull in and I ran off to my car as HP went to flag down and direct the driver.
The guys came over while I stood there struggling to get into my poor, little SUV. I put the key in but it wouldn’t open. I tried (in vain, duh) to push the “unlock” button over and over. We all three made attempts and tried to reason about some kind of weird security measure? That you can’t unlock the car door with a dead battery? And I moved to the back of the Acura, confused and dejected (and hungry!) while HP and the tow guy debated the options and tugged on the door handle and peered inside the window. And then I got irritated because in the time that I left my dead car to head home and back some jerk-off put a small sticker on my back windshield!
Yup, there it is.
“This isn’t my car!!”
And all three of us jumped back in one motion with our hands in the air.
The key worked just fine on the identical, black, Acura RDX two cars down. The one with my license plates and no sticker on the back windshield.
The best retort I had to HP was “Well YOU didn’t notice either!”
And then we all laughed. At me.
Turns out that the awesome CheapZone battery putter-inner didn’t tighten the battery cable? Or something? And therefore the fully-operational battery just WASN’T CONNECTED to the car. And upon tightening the car was just fine.
The End. For real this time.