My little one!
This week has started off right with twice a day workouts. Mostly because of this. And also partly because I ran into an old friend a couple weeks ago who asked me if I’m still working out.
Um, ouch, dude.
Since I am totally motivated by public shame and self-loathing I feel pretty good about the next 12 weeks being a success! I’m already sore from yesterday’s hour long push-up and pull-up routine, followed by Abs.
I have no desire to go out for New Year’s Eve for a gajillion reasons so I am attempting to host a game night. Except one couple already has plans to be at a charity event, and the other couples have both said “probably” but haven’t confirmed, and I don’t really care either way because the first two bottles of red from my new Wine of The Month club will be here this week and I totally plan to BRING THE AUDIENCE TO TEARS with my rendition of Hello Goodbye.
Beatles Rock Band, yo. Bring it.
I am obsessed with baby names even though Yaz has 99.9 percent guaranteed me that I won’t be reproducing any time soon. But for some reason I can’t stop checking the top 500 most popular baby names of the last decade and being annoyed that my favorite girl names are all near the top, and that I basically have no favorite boy names.
Maybe I need another dog.*
Speaking of dogs! Mine will not sleep past 8 a.m. and that means that no one else can sleep past 8 a.m. Surprisingly**, Kima is the one that starts this whole process. Keeping in mind that Kima stands face level with me while my head is on the pillow she starts with the happy breathing. The “OH HI HOW ARE YOU I SEE YOU I’M HAPPY AND AWAKE ARE YOU HAPPY AND AWAKE?” breathing. Then she yawns, loudly, in an arm-over-the-shoulder-at-the-movies sort of way. Then Easton realizes it’s party time and starts shaking his head. And at that point I wave the white flag, get up, and take them out. It’s a good thing I love them so because they are seriously pains in the ass sometimes.***
*There is no way in hell I need or want another dog.
**Not even the tiniest bit surprising
***Would anyone like to share their assvice about closing the bedroom door at night so they can’t come in and wake us? Because I totally never thought of that! What would I do without the interwebs?!
Because WordPress is an asshole and won’t host a video without a $60 upgrade, I uploaded this video of the dogs playing in the snow over at my old Blogger real estate:
Yes, I’m sure you’ve all heard: it’s the first snow of the season in these here parts and, um, it’s a lot of snow. A couple feet of snow. The sky opened up started throwing out snow at 9:00 last night and it literally has not stopped since. Not even to catch its breath or anything! We took the dogs for their last walk of the night fairly early while there were only a couple of inches accumulated.
I fell twice, handed my leash over to HP and it goes without saying that I will not be walking them alone until the weather eases up a bit. In fact, I may not be walking them at all and just tagging along for moral support.
See, here’s the thing. My dog, the Rottweiler? She’s 83 pounds. Small by breed standards, yes, but she’s 83 pounds of pure muscle. She’s 27 inches tall and she’s powerful as hell. Easton is tiny for a Boxer, he’s 56 pounds but that doesn’t mean that he can’t knock me to my butt when he pulls (It was his leash I was holding last night in the two inches of snow when I went down.) Normally I walk them alone first thing in the morning, HP gets them mid-day, we both take them in the evening, and then HP takes them for the last walk of the night sometime after 10. It’s a good mix for us because I loathe the late night walk and he loathes and early morning walk. The problem is that I kind of suck at walking them alone. When they’re good, and the weather is nice, and there are NO OTHER DOGS OR HUMANS AROUND it’s easy peasy. They’re both well behaved, for the most part, and walk nicely. However. If they decide they want to investigate a person or dog I am fucked.
One bright, weekend morning this summer during our morning walk there was a middle aged couple about 12 feet away who was SO EXCITED to see them. “Can we pet the dogs, oh my gosh we love dogs! They’re so pretty they’re so good!” The dogs sensed the excitement and it was all over for me…my face hit the sidewalk so fast I didn’t see it coming and they just straight up dragged me for three yards. Aside from being embarrassing, it was a little scary. Thankfully they were headed for the love and affection of two welcoming people and not trying attack some frisky canine, but still.
On a dark, rainy morning in early fall I was out with them and we happened upon a woman walking her dog about 20 feet away. I was going to turn and take Kima and Easton in another direction, but the woman’s dog was rambunctious and instigated a greeting. My dogs went for it and in the slick grass without traction I was doubly fucked: I ended up in a water skiing position with my two dogs pulling me and me finally sitting my ass on the ground while they pulled me the last dozen feet. I screamed, “OH SHIIIIIIIIIT!” It was involuntary. You would’ve screamed it too.
Also, both of these incidents occurred while Kima had her choke collar on. In fact, she never, ever gets walked without the choke collar because she is just that strong. I ASSURE you that it doesn’t hurt her. In a zillion years I would never consider the collar if it caused her one bit of pain. The goal is that at a certain point (the point where she is MISBEHAVING) that it causes her discomfort. At least enough for me to reign her in.
(It doesn’t really work that well, but it’s monumentally better than me trying to walk the two of them and not have the choke collar on her.)
Basically, I am terrified of the equation SNOW + MY DOGS + JUST ME = PAIN, CONFUSION, BROKEN PHALANGES.
Of course they seem pretty pleased by the whole thing.
Excuse the really poor quality of the camera phone and lack of lighting, but HP texted me this pic last week, the night we were going to drop the dogs off at the vet to be boarded for the next five days. He explained to me when I got home that he had looked at his watch, saw that I’d be home shortly, turned to the dogs and said, “Mama’s coming home” very calmly. Next thing you know they were positioned here, right up until the moment they spotted me in the parking lot at which time they bolted to the front door to endure the rest of the wait.
I never want to leave the house without them again!